Friday, March 2, 2012

Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness!

From here.
Summer has ended. So begins the scenery that makes me fall in love with Melbourne all over again. Seeing the colours of leaves of passing trees fade has been something of a guilty joy. Leaving work a few times to see the streets lit up like a carnival AND raining is something that's cheered me up. That is, cheered me up after the reality of waitressing that' starting to confront  me with every shift. 

Having somewhat sucessfully recovered from an anxiety disorder that was triggered by social situations has been something to slip my mind. It's something that I'm not entirely aware of, unless I'm about to face a busy shift and my insides start to shift uncomfortably. Reminding myself, in these particular situations, that I have a part to play, is something that gets me through the night; I emerge hours later wondering why I was so anxious to begin with.

The thought of eating out was something that would previously twist my stomach and make me feel sick; the fact that I've managed to control it and take up this kind of job - talk to strangers every day - is nothing but some sort of miracle. I remember the days when I was terrified to answer a door or phone, and I think of how much about me has changed... and I realise how much I take for granted my current state of mind.

It could always be much, much worse.

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