Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer...

...so whenever I go to the journalism tutes, I feel like I'm being kissed by a dementor. Each and every time. I die a little on the inside and when it's over I feel like I was born again.


This is the playlist to lull me to sleep. It worked wonders last night. Feel free to try it, if you like.
  1. Northenden - Doves
  2. Bittersweetheart - Ed Harcourt
  3. The Cedar Room - Doves
  4. Desert Song - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
  5. Reprise - Doves
  6. Falling Down (Tom Waits cover) - Scarlett Johansson
  7. Willow's Song (Bury Version) - Doves
  8. Sparks - Coldplay
  9. Almost Forgot Myself (Demo) - Doves
So today things have been fairly average... nothing too exciting... just normal. 
You know, for a film/media student.


Monday, March 28, 2011

Hey, hey, we are a hurricane.

...you know what? Hot cross buns with cream cheese is better than you think it would be.

So my weekend ended with a whole but heavy heart. Not quite broken... not quite perfect, either. And I realised I was being a little selfish to some people. Forcibly inserting myself into somebody's life (as is the case with asking somebody to forcibly insert something anything...) is never a good thing. It causes things to get a little strained, even though you want things to work out so badly that it physically hurts. Some things just weren't meant to work out.

In other words, imagine the person that you love the most.
Go on, close your eyes and visualise them right in front of you.

...now, I dare you not to love them. Go on, try it.

Exactly. You can't.
...I do like this visual representation though.
And I haven't forgotten the people that I've let walk all over me for far too long for reasons I can't quite comprehend. All I'll say about that is... watch out.

Note to self: shop more often during the week. Annoying to have to buy a second cloth bag and lug everything by tram/walking.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

You gave me a life I never chose.

So I FINISHED MY PLAY.
 ...I mean, essay.
A week, three blocks of chocolate a few hot chocolates and one messy room later.

I also just saw Red Riding Hood. And you kind of realise it's the director of the first Twilight film when you've been stuck with all the romance sap with a couple of action scenes here and there. There's definitely more for both genders, as opposed to the one sided Twilight ones. I give it a 'meh'.

It's getting wonderfully cold! I've started wearing my beanie and I'm looking forward to the day when gloves will be necessary. I've always loved winters in Melbourne and this one's looking to be a good one.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Live your life until love is found, or love's gonna get you down.

...so this is what some of my desk looks like when essay writing is at the forefront of my mind.

...yeah, I really need to clean it.

Current magnet quote...  The Fray ♥
The deadline is just within days of reach and it almost makes me nostalgic of pre-Lit exam preparation. At least this time around, I'm not ruining sheafs and sheafs of looseleaf in my attempt to write scholarly. Or remembering quotes. Or losing sleep!

Anyone reading my blog in the earlier days ever remember this post? ...turns out it was this strange mild anxiety disorder thingy. I've since recovered and have blissfully enjoyed eating out without anxiety for the past couple of months. I'm telling you, everything fell into place when I moved back here to start university.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

When it falls into place with you and I, we go from if to when. ♥



Much, much, much thanks to Lexie for acting as courier.

Just got back from the weekly film, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
Insane visuals about being insane. 
My head's still spinning.

Bright Star by John Keats.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

You've never looked at me the way he looks at me now...

Well, last weekend was one of the happiest I've ever had.

I caught the new Harry Potter exclusive stuff and I managed to freeze frame this.

*tear*
So yesterday I met up in the city with MEL. And we went to STARBUCKS. And I was so freaking happy to see her because I hadn't seen her in... ten months? She's one of those people that can cheer up anybody and I love that about her. I love the random moments we have, and the fact that I've known her for quite a while and we're still friends.

I'm finally getting on with the essay, and I have a busy schedule today.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

She's not gonna choose you for standing so tall...

So we viewed Modern Times for the afternoon film this week. My, oh my.


So staying up for Vices and Virtues turned out to be an epic fail. Stayed up until one in the morning and the pre-order wouldn't download, so I went to bed a little cranky and disappointed. Then I woke up at around 8am and decided to see if it would work then... and it did. Long story short, I stayed up for nothing!

I may need another listen to it, but I think I like it. Bordering on a fine line between their two previous albums. There's a couple that will stick, I reckon.

Also been playlist sharing with some friends and the majority is AMAZING as per usual. Just when I think I'm set for awesome music I get proved wrong time and time again.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

I'd pay to see you frown...

Happy Pat Day. I'm currently sitting in my dark hole with my sole drink, some water and some skittles. I'm planning to stay up until midnight for Panic!'s Vices and Virtues release tomorrow and to see if my pre-order will download after midnight. Four hours to go.



The Smallville S8 finale... my reaction was something like this.


I didn't realise how attached to Jimmy I'd become. Very very sad face.

So I'm trying to think about an essay and how I'm to plan it out. Feels impossible right now and it also feels like I've got this ticking timebomb in my hands and I have no idea what to do with it. But if I'm stuck holding it for too long, it'll blow up in my face.

I went shopping today and saw some random things.

  • One was a lady who couldn't accept her ticket was expired while I was sitting on the tram. The validator made the sound we all associate with an expired ticket and spat her ticket out. She asked out loud what was wrong with it and tried to validate her ticket on a different machine. Same result. She then proceeded to progress through the tram to validate her ticket on all the machines and declare they weren't working.
  • I also saw a worker in a supermarket. She was carrying dog food to stack on the shelves and something about her expression stuck with me. If I had one word for it... defeat.
  • And in contrast, the greeter I've seen there a few times before seems insanely enthusiastic about her job. I might be like that if I had a few glasses of Coke...every day.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

She was so sure about it all...

Peeping Tom = film within a film within a film within a film. Shesus.

So I actually got to film today with the awesome prosumer camera.
...oh my goodness, I love it. We edit next week. I can't wait.



Learned how to play Texas Hold 'em with housemates, and it made for an interesting night. And I'm also going to get to see some friends and stuff this week. And family. Getting in this rhythm has been something special for me.

...I've been having dreamless sleep. I'm finally living my dream in real life that I have nothing left to dream about. 

It's quite something to somebody who used to "fall asleep only in hopes of dreaming" (Blind by Lifehouse).

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Meh.

So I'm getting used to university I guess. And doing things for myself. It's almost kind of fun.

Day 21 - a song you listen to when you're happy: Holiday - Vampire Weekend
Day 22 - a song you listen to when you're sad: Sparks - Coldplay
Day 23 - a song you want to play at your wedding: Hallelujah by Paramore - Vitamin String Quartet
Day 24 - a song you want to play at your funeral: Misguided Ghosts - Paramore
Day 25 - a song that makes you laugh: Little Things - Pomplamoose
Day 26 - a song you can play on an instrument: Silent Night
Day 27 - a song that you wish you could play: That's What You Get - Paramore
Day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty: Back To The Start - Lily Allen
Day 29 - a song from your childhood: Kiss From A Rose - Seal
Day 30 - your favourite song at this time last year: Brick By Boring Brick - Paramore

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Letting the cables sleep...

So I've noticed that the awful, grumpy, angry side of me, the side I always hated about myself that I always kept at home? The reason why I barely let my home and friends meet? The reason why I was always so reluctant to go home?

...it's fading. I'm cured. I only feel the one personality now.

Now that I've living away from home, I'm the person that I want to be, sans irritation. Huge relief.

I found this after googling "conquering yourself".
On with the song challenge.

Day 11 - a song from your favourite band: All We Know - Paramore
Day 12 - a song from a band you hate: ...please don't make me say it. *cringe*
Day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure: Stevie - Lisa Mitchell
Day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love: I Melt With You - Modern English
Day 15 - a song that describes you: Looking Up - Paramore
Day 16 - a song you used to love but now hate: Everywhere - Michelle Branch
Day 17 - a song you hear often on the radio: S&M - Rhianna
Day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio: Lucille - The Vasco Era
Day 19 - a song from your favourite album: Time To Dance - Panic! At The Disco
Day 20 - a song that you listen to when you're angry: Ignorance - Paramore

So it's not like near death experiences are exciting or anything...

...well, that may be an exaggeration, but here's why.

So my Mum had this dream a couple of nights ago that a great aunty (...who's been dead for three years) was hovering to her right while she was driving, and she said something like "Just keep driving" or something like that. She had no idea what it meant and she told me this while she visited me from Mildura.

So we're driving around Melbourne a little bit lost. We're pulling up to this set of traffic lights and there's this shuttle bus thing changing lanes to go right instead of straight. So there's some empty space in front of us. Mum doesn't pull into that right away.

So the green light goes for the right lane to start turning, and they start turning. No big deal, right?

But then Mum gets a little muddled, as we all do, and drives straight through the red light.

I'm in the passenger seat figuratively soiling myself.
I ask her, "You do realise that was a red light, right?"
She turns to me and goes, "Oh, was it?"
She was fairly calm to begin with. But then she started comprehending what could have happened and she starts figuratively soiling herself as well.

There could have been a turning car from the opposite direction.
Mum could've panicked and stopped.

And bang. Car accident right there in the middle of the intersection.
..."just keep driving", get it?

I'm telling you, it's a mixture of good karma and divine intervention getting me through life. Sometimes there's no such thing as coincidence.

...in other news, I did find the socks I was looking for today. You know, these kind.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Participationage!



30 Day Song Challenge. I might do this in chunks because I don't want to spam up the blog. Which probably defeats the purpose, but oh well.

Day 1 - your favourite song: Run - Vampire Weekend.
Day 2 - your least favourite song: Party In The USA - Miley Cyrus
Day 3 - a song that makes you happy: For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic - Paramore
Day 4 - a song that makes you sad: How To Save A Life - The Fray

  • (I've linked to this amazing NCIS video that I love. You will love it too.)

Day 5 - a song that reminds you of someone: Say When - The Fray
Day 6 - a song that reminds you of somewhere: A Quai - Yann Tierson (Paris. Or what I imagine Paris would be!)
Day 7 - a song that reminds you of a certain event: There Goes The Fear - Doves (moving away from Mildura)
Day 8 - a song that you know all the words to: Camisado - Panic! At The Disco

  • (some lyrics can be seen in my blog banner... I think they make an excellent description of my blog.)

Day 9 - a song you can dance to: Hey Baby (Drop It To The Floor) ft. T-Pain - Pitbull
Day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep: Desert Song - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

Friday, March 11, 2011

Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop, till I step down from this for good...


So I've been told more than once in the past couple of weeks that "[I'm] a survivor. [They] can tell. [I'm] tough." and it's got me wondering as I type this in between cleaning my sheets and tidying my hole.

A survivor is defined as "To remain alive or in existence; To carry on despite hardships or trauma; persevere; To remain functional or usable." When we think of survivors when mentioned on the news, they've usually suffered through a horrible accident or ordeal. And their reward for surviving is dealing with the trauma.

I may not have been through a horrible accident, but I've definitely had trauma issues. I've just never thought of myself being a survivor before.

But what does being labeled a survivor mean?

That somebody's particularly good at surviving? That it's a skill comparable to painting, dancing, singing, worth being displayed in an exhibition? "This particular exhibition shall display some especially challenging survival exercises. Note this survivalist's particular technique with controlling traumatic experiences."

It essentially boils down to luck, a lot of the time. That in saying, I've been extremely lucky, now that I think about it. I could have ended up a drooling hospitalised mess.

Not that I have anything against hospitals or the like.

So are survivalists lucky, or does luck have absolutely no factoring element? Divine intervention? I pose this question to you, who is stalking my blog. I'd like to hear what you think.

I'm also really bothered by somebody right now. I'm the punchline to them. The butt of every joke. I'm never really taken seriously, never really been on equal standing ...I'm just sick of it. I'm about ready to explode. I've exploded once before, and it wasn't pretty at all. Probably the only time I unleashed that part of myself I'm absolutely terrified of.

But this is has just gotten past funny for me and headed straight for humiliated and hurt. I'm not putting up with this any more.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

And let the sun rain down on me...

So yesterday was PACKED. The morning invovled a couple of tutes; one involving getting to know the new cameras I'll be working with (ohmygoodnesstechnologydrool), and the other settling into my Film History unit.

The day would have been capped off with a screening of Peeping Tom, one of the most complex and controversial (well, at the time) films I've seen so far. It pretty much destroyed the director's career, and considering the time period, it's not hard to see why.

But Deakin held The Amazing Race. Pretty much like a scavenger hunt except with actions and trivia about Deakin while running all over campus. The majority of my roommates entered as a team, and I managed to join about halfway through (the Peeping Tom viewing kind of cut into it for me, unfortunately). Some activities involved checking out a hilarious book from the library (we ran to the kid's section and found Let's Make Rabbits, enough said really!) to feeding each other fish blindfolded, to packing backpacks and running around with them, to brain puzzles and so much other stuff like that.

Needless to say, we won. I got a free backpack out of it. Awesome.

Some of us got a pizza each and ate half each, we were so hungry from running around! We went to Einstein's bar night afterwards to celebrate.

I'm doing fine.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

But I'm on fire for you, clearly... you don't have to be alone. ♥

"A Message" by Coldplay. Wonderfully wonderful ...oh god, I'm hungry.

Original found here
So today was fairly busy. One lecture and two tutorials. Admittedly spread out, but not by enough time to grab lunch. Thank goodness I went shopping last night.

Tomorrow might not be much better, but hey, I chose it this way, I guess. It's almost exciting.

Also bought Smallville S8 (yes, I'm aware that S9 just came out, but hey, tv show sales are awesomely advantageous for this kind of thing if you're patient enough!) just to see if it's worth it.

Also, my roommates want to do this on campus and have a Mexican food night sometime soon. Needless to say, we're gettng along just fine.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Said never pick sides, never choose between two... but I just wanted you, I just wanted you...

Vampire Weekend makes everything better. Even just while hanging your washing.


Had my first lecture today...in the afternoon. No more Monday mornings for me.
So a fairly relaxed day as opposed to the next couple of days.

The importance of Mac computers was highly stressed. Do all editing on campus.
Some students asked about editing off campus or on PC, and the lecturer at this point cried "NO PC. Nooooooo PC. Mac good. We want you to fall in love with these!" and hugged her own Mac laptop.

We'll also be shooting with high def prosumer stuff. Walking that fine line between amateur and professional.

I can go with this. I can go just fine with this.

Friday, March 4, 2011

You got the old kaleidoscopic stare...

Anonymity time.
  1. As somebody who wasn't considered attractive enough in high school, well, let me just say... gulp. Speechless. Thank you.
  2. Thank god I don't have to see your face any more. You were driving me insane.
  3. You're amazing. Love you.
  4. Distance is good. Space is healthy. And I'm less anxious now. Be happy for me.
  5. I'm not the same kid from your memory, well now I can fend for myself.
  6. Sorry I lied.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Let's think intensely for a moment or two.


So let's say you were raised to think that celery is the only good food out there. There's nothing wrong with celery, it's perfectly adequate and it gets you by. But imagine eating only celery for years on end. No question; you get bored of celery. You wonder what else is out there. But you dutifully eat your celery.

So one day you're walking along, and by random chance you end up with a chocolate bar. No big deal, right?

But remember, you've been living off - and been bored with - celery all these years. Celery! Chocolate's new. Chocolate's exciting. Chocolate's amazing. It makes you happy. It confirms all your dreams about something else being out there, as well as exceeding your expectations by being better than you dreamed.

And then all of a sudden, the chocolate's taken away from you and you're forced to go back to celery. And ever since, you can't forget what the chocolate was like and the experience of the experience. And after the experience, you'd rather not go back to the celery. But you have no other choice. 

You have to grudgingly accept your celery, all the while dreaming of chocolate and the next random chance you'll get to experience it again.

...or you could fight to incorporate it into your life. Not let it take over entirely, or you'll get sick of it. The celery will always be there, no matter how much you don't want it to be. It's all a matter of balance so that everybody's happy.

Maybe celery with chocolate sauce?

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Michelle gets visitors! Plural!

...but I've only gotten photographic evidence of one (today). But it's one I'm really happy with.



We just spent the day wandering around and food shopping/cooking (for me), but it was an awesome catch up as I hadn't seen Lexie for about two years. Also visited some friends at Monash today, and it's been a pretty relaxed orientation week at Deakin so far.

Lexie took this randomly while I was cooking lunch. Meh. PORK CHOP.
As I statused earlier this week; "Honestly, sometimes I feel the need to pinch myself. Or the need to get a totem so that I can check if I'm dreaming. I'm finally LIVING." I'm somehow managing to balance my dream life with my previous life, and sometimes it's freaking unbelievable.