This fire, we let it all burn.

University's finished for the year! I've been getting marks back lately and feeling very satisfied with them. Classes felt more fun and alive despite comparison to my previous semester abroad; I returned this time around wanting to knuckle down and learn, and I loved what I found. Speaking of which, this is a product of some group work I was involved in. We pretended we were a travel company in different parts of the world and just had fun with it.

Something that I seem to have taken to lately is the phrase 'joie de vivre', which is roughly translated to 'joy of living', or 'joy of everything', depending on who you are and who you ask. I've realised that this seems to be my exact way of approaching and looking at everyday life. The small and quirky details are the ones that jump out at me and I've found that I've had a more positive attitude to looking at problems. There's a beauty in everything; though I've found that sometimes it can be quite exhausting, at least I can sleep well at night!

I can't help it, I've fallen in love with the world.

...now that I've stopping thinking everybody's out to get me.

My university life isn't quite over; I've gotten into full swing in preparations for my study tour abroad next month. I'm looking forward to ice skating in the States so badly, I'm so glad that I actually took lessons since I returned. I've started moving forward with my life and getting to know my own city so much better; but I'm so looking forward to being a tourist again and experiencing the crazy chaos that comes with it. I don't think I'll ever stay put for long, no matter what I choose to decide to do with my life.

My skating lessons have gotten really interesting now that I've mastered the mere basics; now I'm doing crazy things like crossovers and one foot gliding on outside edges.

I got inspired the other week and wrote this little piece on my Tumblr about the importance of sharing your love instead of depending on a singular love with another person. There's so much love out there; it's all about how you feel it and how you share it with the people in your life. I've found people have started looking at me and thinking things like 'inspirational' and 'accomplished'... in fact, everything I've seen and done in the past year has only just humbled me to how small my thoughts are compared to such majestic views and wonderful personalities I've experienced. I've learned to start really looking after myself and love myself, because that's where it starts for everyone; themselves. It's taken me such a long time to be comfortable with being in my own skin, and I've finally found it.

So if that's inspirational... then so be it. I'll take your word for it.

I'll just be over here reading my book.

The perks of being a cinema worker.

Cinema work is yet another perspective that I've taken for granted. One thing I'll say; popcorn off carpet has to be one of the hardest things to clean effectively and efficiently.

 

As I sit here with my regular cup of tea and ponder the future, new details come into knowledge and old ones end up helping define them clearer. I'm finally, definitely, out of that lost feeling of such a prolonged reverse culture shock. While I treasure my moments overseas and they shaped to become this new me; I know it means nothing unless I start moving forward and onwards.

I've been seeing tons of Melbourne lately and I'm loving finally being a tourist in my own city; Mount Dandenong, the Royal Botanical Gardens, St Kilda, Southbank... there's more to come and I can't wait.

Last assignments are coming up; essays piecing apart films, advertisement analysis and group work all complete. I find I'm feeling so productive when I'm on a roll, with some Sufjan Stevens accompanying my laptop's keyboard clacking away on a Word document. I've chosen Stoker and The Purge for my film essays, mainly because I've been so fascinated by the visual imagery and themes in both as of recently. I'll include trailers below of both for your interest.

Stoker (2013)

The Purge (2013)

The weather's getting warmer, the next season ice skating classes are coming up... and it's October! This time next month, I'll be full swing in last minute preparations for my study tour to the States. Remembering the necessary arrangements is a little scary, but it's oh so very exciting to be heading out again.

Take me, take me to the riot!

I passed my ice skating exam, by the way.

So I've had a bunch of crazy catastrophes in the past week or so. I've finally figured out how to utilise this part of my life; this strange, jetlagged heart of mine recovering little by little. I was sitting on the sidelines of my own life, looking in, waiting for my own life to start.

And it has. It took a while, but it finally has.

Sunday I went to the Royal Melbourne Show with friends. I'm glad I initiated plans and it turned out to be one of the best days I've had in quite some time. BMX stunts, rides, fireworks, showbags... I'd missed the chaos of a carnival atmosphere. It had been years since I'd previously gone to the show, and I was able to appreciate it differently with friends. One of my highlights of the day was finding a booth that was selling chocolate covered strawberries, which I'd taken to doing in Örebro as gifts and for fika.

It's funny, my two regular fika friends first laughed amusedly at the thought of 'fika' being an actual word for what we do regularly (sitting around catching up over coffee and cake for hours, Fika Fridays!), but they seem to have adapted the term and they've really embraced it, which is something I've delighted in.

Something else I've done this week is revisit my Melbourne bucket list. I still want to do the Eureka Tower, but some interesting circumstances happened and I ended up at the top of Mount Dandenong, looking out over the city below.

It's so much better in person, you could see the entire city skyline much better. It got me thinking how I saw so many views abroad; Barcelona, Paris, Poland, Venice, Florence, Russia, Tallinn, and even from the Örebro water tower, looking over the city I'd lived in for such a while. 

It was so comforting to see a view of a place I call home this time; being able to think 'I live somewhere down here' as I watched the city below - and practically cost free (unless you count parking) and great company. That's not something I could entirely get from going to the Eureka Tower, but I still want to do it.

Cinema work is something entirely new; yet another perspective I've taken for granted. Apparently though, I'm a fast learner and I'm doing well.

And my pre-departure session for the study tour in the States is this Friday! It feels so much closer now.

...now what?

Okay, I think I'm going crazy.

Not a new sentence, I know. But I think about everything I wanted to do when I returned, and think about what I've really done to this point. I've gotten the haircut, I'm regularly ice skating once or twice a week, and I went to the Monet exhibition not long after I got back. I try and make plans with friends once or twice a week.

But that's it. I feel like I'm slipping backwards again.

It's hard to interact with strangers for me, considering my living situation and that everyone just feels closed off on campus. I've ended up mass venting my thoughts on my Twitter account, and a majority of it is about work (sorry to my Twitter followers).I'm second guessing myself at work and that just makes me fall further backwards in that regard.

Of course there's all that solo woman power, exploring Docklands, going to the cinema solo, eating out solo... but there's a fine line between confidence and solitary.

I think I just feel... lost.

Country time and a catch up.

It's so easy to forget just how far I've come.

I'm not talking travel, I'm talking family. I went to visit Mildura during my week off from uni.

 

It's been a refreshing time off from work, which I've been thankful for. Work's definitely been more challenging lately and I've ended up second guessing myself. Which is ridiculous because I have confidence in my work. The problem just seems to be clashes of perspective when it comes to upselling and service.

...always putting in 100% only to be told it's not enough and another 30% is required? You'd be frustrated too. Especially when tips say I'm doing perfectly fine.

 

University's really starting to get interesting as I start looking at Freud and Oedipus in my film psychology classes. I went and saw Now You See Me in cinemas and recommend it. I mean, magicians.

That's all from me for now... stay awesome, guys.

Honestly?

 

Hello everyone!

Things have been crazy and I haven't really had much time to myself lately, so here's a little update.

Work was getting a little crazy - understatement - what with holidays and working a few back to back shifts. People take their free time for granted until they no longer have it. I've cut back on my hours now that university's started up again, and it's amazing the little appreciations I have for everything. Showering. A proper meal. Dreamless sleep. Socialising. A reasonable bed time!

Sometimes serving people strips you of your humanity if you're doing it too often without properly taking care of yourself; and that's something I've finally had to accept. No matter how many times people ask how I am, it's just easier to say that everything's fine to not burden the question asker. I'm finally accepting that I haven't been well as of late. I got used to jet-setting, jumping around everywhere and anywhere; it felt like such a natural part of me. Coming back and staying still again feels like a betrayal of my personality and I have to learn to accept the 'waiting room' part of life again.

University! Once I cut back my work hours and started hanging out on campus again, I realised it was something I really missed. All that's expected of me is to think, try my best, and achieve a personal potential with you to motivate yourself - and I like to think that's something I am fairly good at. Classes are actually really interesting to me at the moment and I'm happy to meet new people as well.

We'll see how I go, now that things finally feel like they're getting better.

Tumblr
YouTube

Play hard, but work hard too.

Abisko, Sweden.

Hello! I'm happy to report that things have been quite busy lately. Sometimes I wonder why I put myself through certain things, before remembering that I'm working toward something. It'll all be worth it.

University trimester starts up again, and I'll be pondering more of the media and its hypnosis on the general society again. There's also a Study Abroad Club on campus that helps out the international exchange students, and I'll be joining! I'll help out students adjusting to Melbourne and this insane country.

I opened my letter to myself that I wrote before I left. It was full of a respect for the unknown that I wasn't quite expecting; and just another example of how far I've come.

I've read and watched The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern and Daydream Nation, respectively. I've reviewed both on my Tumblr page for your viewing pleasure, and they've both been such a surprise to me. Both came within 48 hours of each other and it's made me see things yet again differently.

I've finished 2 Broke Girls, and I'm debating about rewatching Buffy for that extra boost of self-respect. 2 Broke Girls has gotten me more curious about New York, and the people that can be found in little corners and down streets. Places like Soho and Willamsburg. Central Park. South Manhattan. I'm hoping to see Metric while I'm in North America; coming across Emily Haines' music in Daydream Nation has steered me back to listening to Metric and rediscovering my old favourites.

 

Ice skating's going well, I've signed up for a term and I've been going to the rink on weekends. I'm exploring different areas of Melbourne that I haven't previously and I'm loving it. I went with my friend Jewels to the Monet exhibition and then we wandered around the Business District.

As always, you can find more informal stuff on my Tumblr, and I'll keep updating once uni starts.

But if you close your eyes...

Venice.

...does it almost feel like nothing's changed at all?

Honestly, Australian politics are doing my head in. There's no sense of stability, not when you have two politicians like Gillard and Rudd fighting over the head job like they are. I think I should just move to England and be done with it, just leave now in time for the cinematic collapse. We're not educated enough day-to-day to know where we should put our votes. Now that Rudd's PM again, after Gillard got the job off him three years ago, I feel like I'm a kid growing with instability again.

Ice skating went well. Now that's a stability that will be catching on for me. To try something new overseas and bring it back with me, that's something I can say I'm very happy with. The rink I went to offered a free 15 minute basic skating lesson; we learned some basic things like getting up after falling, stopping and turning. We were then let loose with the rest of the skaters. I fell over a few times, but that was the fun. Special thanks to my friend Jewels for accompanying me and taking pictures.

I've loved that it's something so seemingly obscure around here, and I never would have thought of it unless I'd tried it abroad. I'm so thankful for something new to accompany this new part of myself. I'll always remember that the first time I tried ice skating was at a lake - nothing to hold on to - in Örebro, Sweden.

I miss the Örebro gang terribly. I've been back for nearly two weeks and there's little things I miss. It's like graduating high school in a way; all these people I would see day to day, I won't be able to see gathered in the one place again. We shared something special and unique. I loved being known as the little crazy Australian girl.

Meanwhile, I'm broke. Still, I'm working towards something new - the US Study Tour in November. It'll be a close one, but I work better with a goal to work towards. I've found my spark again and I'm not going to let it flicker out. Not on my watch. I'm too determined not to let that happen. Hopefully budgeting works out.

Work's been fine so far. Apparently I've gotten a raise due to my previous experience - not much, but still a raise! Tuesdays are Steak Night and I've enjoyed serving people who love steak, as I do as well. I've had some generous souls when it comes to tipping; it's reminded me that I'll have to be much more generous myself in the States. It's expected more over there, whereas here, spare change is considered generous.

Though if I could pay for my trip with compliments, I'd be a freaking millionaire by now.

Something I've remembered? My idea of mundane isn't necessarily as mundane as I think sometimes. Perspective, perspective, perspective. Serve the food, reset the table, move on.

I saw World War Z last Monday. Let me just say now that I knew nothing about the plot, only that Muse had contributed to the film's score. Brilliant, I thought, and then I was blown away by the inclusion of the track 'Isolated System' in the opening and throughout the rest of the film. I hear that the band were inspired by the book while composing their just released album, so it comes to full circle by contributing to the film.

By not having read the book, I was fairly pleased just by watching the film. Besides, an adaptation is never accurate. Of course, if you'd talked to me about Harry Potter five years ago I would have felt differently on the topic. There was also a moment of the film where they showed different parts of the world swarmed with zombies, and I recognised St Mark's Square in Venice without any help. I'm curious about other parts of the world now, such as Israel and China.

Worth seeing.

A restless nomad.

Well. I've been adjusting. I've had terrible jet lag, and Melbourne's been colder, but I'm recovering every day. I'm catching up and socialising as often as I can. I also got my job back! That's something that's become a huge relief to me.

I love being able to talk about my travels, with other people who have travelled. It may come off as boasting, but travelling is something I've realised makes me so happy. Some people have asked me why I'm not more big headed. And others feel the need to try and make what I've done hit home to me. I don't think I've entirely realised all the travelling I've done myself; and I prefer to keep it that way and remember them sequentially. Otherwise they blur together and I do realise that I've done a lot. I'm fighting to remember them separately, and it's confusing.

I met so many ambitious, like minded people overseas; and coming back, I've had to remember that this wonderful, open minded group is sadly the minority.

Another thing I've found coming back is how comparatively mundane everyday life feels now that I've experienced a different way of living. I didn't go two weeks without travelling somewhere after my first trip (Barcelona) and jet setting to another country just became so normal.

So one of the things I'm trying to do for myself these holidays is to try and keep things exciting. Socialise more. Get out there. Find a way to incorporate this weightless, effortless personality I'd found overseas and keep that zest for life that I'd found so easily overseas.

I've learned that I can't sit still and let life pass.
I need to actively participate.
I need to be a part of this strange, crazy, not always fair, life.
I need to see more of it.
And I want to find more of the minority.
...not only closer to home, but keep everyone I met abroad as well.

Post-Sweden.

Hej hej!

So I'm back in Melbourne.

I arrived Saturday night after about 19 hours of flying time. My Swedish neighbour on the way to Doha was on a school trip to Kenya to help build a school! We got to talking travel and the flight was fine. 

Doha is absolutely stunning at night, by the way.

The entertainment system on this particular commute didn't fail, not that it ever has; I watched Beautiful Creatures to Doha (missed it in the cinemas in Sweden) and Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters and most of The Brothers Grimm to Melbourne. Didn't get to finish it because the plane landed, stupid plane! I got some sleep too, big mistake because I'm a little jet lagged because of it.

My mum, my sister and her boyfriend met me at the airport.

 

We spent the night at a nearby hotel before driving to my new apartment in the morning.

This is my new view. I call it the 'rotting rooftop' view.

I'm almost finished fixing my shelf. I haven't put many souvenirs up here yet so it looks almost the same.

I've been doing 'back in Australia' errands lately, unpacking, and soon I'll be catching up with friends.

More to come when I start internalising and have more crazy catastrophes to report.