Well, hello there.

So things have been crazy for me, one more month left of university for the year and the US study tour happening in two months! Classes have gotten absolutely fascinating, and I have my ice skating exam in a couple of days (to pass to the next level!), so things have been very exciting. I also happened to win a double pass to see The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones thanks to Dymocks's recent competition! 

I've resigned from waitressing and I start my new job - at a movie theatre! - within the next week. I'm really looking forward to it. More information soon.

Musically speaking, I finally listened to Elbow's Dead In the Boot, the B-side compilation album. I'd listened to the majority of Elbow's discography while abroad, so listening to the various B-sides from those other albums at home seemed fitting. My pick would have to be 'McGreggor', simply for that slow, thumping rhythm setting the atmosphere. I can remember writing an essay with it playing in the background and feeling more inspired. 

I started listening to Stars, starting with Set Yourself On Fire and continuing with In Our Bedroom After The War. The absolute favourite so far is still going to be 'Your Ex-Lover Is Dead', but other favourites include 'Reunion', 'What I'm Trying to Say', 'The Big Fight', 'Take Me to the Riot', 'My Favourite Book', 'Midnight Coward' and 'Personal'.

I guess the concept of 'Your Ex-Lover Is Dead' is such an appealing concept to me - I mean, isn't it for anyone who's gone through a messy break up? That agony of not being able to move on, especially if you're the one wronged? Not to mention the first lines, "When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire", with the four last words referring to the album title.

That part seems to yell 'pyromaniac', but I can interpret that as self-improvement. You have to destroy parts of yourself for the sake of rebuilding and re-creation, right? Destruction as a form of creation. And often times if it's not for the destruction, you often don't find the better situation for yourself, am I right?

Not to mention the last verse of the song.

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave

You were what I wanted, I gave what I gave

I'm not sorry I met you

I'm not sorry it's over

I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

That process of self-recovery is so incredibly important, but being able to say 'I'm not sorry there's nothing to save' indicates the final level of growth needed to move on with life. Again, while the experience itself may have been terrible, it can lead to new and positive things, and that can be the sole reason why somebody may not regret a relationship.

 

Coldplay also released recently their new single for the next Hunger Games film, called 'Atlas'. This song feels more like their earlier stuff, which I'm a bigger fan of than their more recent stuff. It's hopeful, it's contemplative, and it carries a message of care. Not to mention, the lyric video is absolutely stunning.

 

This seems to be a music heavy blog post, stay tuned for more work and travel related posts!

...now what?

Okay, I think I'm going crazy.

Not a new sentence, I know. But I think about everything I wanted to do when I returned, and think about what I've really done to this point. I've gotten the haircut, I'm regularly ice skating once or twice a week, and I went to the Monet exhibition not long after I got back. I try and make plans with friends once or twice a week.

But that's it. I feel like I'm slipping backwards again.

It's hard to interact with strangers for me, considering my living situation and that everyone just feels closed off on campus. I've ended up mass venting my thoughts on my Twitter account, and a majority of it is about work (sorry to my Twitter followers).I'm second guessing myself at work and that just makes me fall further backwards in that regard.

Of course there's all that solo woman power, exploring Docklands, going to the cinema solo, eating out solo... but there's a fine line between confidence and solitary.

I think I just feel... lost.

Country time and a catch up.

It's so easy to forget just how far I've come.

I'm not talking travel, I'm talking family. I went to visit Mildura during my week off from uni.

 

It's been a refreshing time off from work, which I've been thankful for. Work's definitely been more challenging lately and I've ended up second guessing myself. Which is ridiculous because I have confidence in my work. The problem just seems to be clashes of perspective when it comes to upselling and service.

...always putting in 100% only to be told it's not enough and another 30% is required? You'd be frustrated too. Especially when tips say I'm doing perfectly fine.

 

University's really starting to get interesting as I start looking at Freud and Oedipus in my film psychology classes. I went and saw Now You See Me in cinemas and recommend it. I mean, magicians.

That's all from me for now... stay awesome, guys.

Some big steps.

So I bought my own pair of ice skates. Unfortunately the rentals, while convenient to use until now, are not safe for learning how to ice skate properly. While the skates were expensive in this part of the world, I judged it was better to pay for skates now, rather than an injury later.

I also couldn't help but be frustrated on my first lesson, when the unpredictability of the rentals failed me and I couldn't perform the exercises properly.

I was well looked after by the place I visited; I was measured, fitted and sharpened within a decent amount of time. I couldn't help the excitement on my face as I left the store with my new skates, ready to try them out.

Putting them on and gliding along the ice...it's a bit difficult to explain, so I'll do my best.

Getting proper skates of my own was ultimately pricey, but worth it. I love being able to have my own things, and the joy of new equipment is something I've barely experienced (having never really done a sport like this before). I was told my skating would improve when I started using the skates - and it really did, as I noticed when I practised my turns. 
This new equipment had strengthened my purpose and motivated me in a new way to keep on skating. Isn't that strange? That we need physical reminders to soldier on and persevere through this thing we call life?
It was, perhaps, the joy of exercise as well. I was ecstatic as I tried manoeuvres I'd learned (nothing fancy yet) with this new set of equipment, and I knew I'd been right to keep up the skating. Even if I can't continue lessons, I know I'd keep them for recreational purposes. Perhaps I'll bring them to the States in November? Practice my skating there? That'll be a story to tell.

University's getting interesting and the study tour in particular is also quite anticipating as I wait for the calendar pages to flip by; impatient but ready. I've also got a ticket to the Muse gig in December; General Area Standing. It makes me think how I'll almost be full circle, what with Coldplay Area Standing B last year. It's turning out to be a cracker of a year, after the last one was such an emotional downturn for me. I've achieved so much in such a short amount of time; which is almost unnoticed by the amount that I still want to do.

Honestly?

 

Hello everyone!

Things have been crazy and I haven't really had much time to myself lately, so here's a little update.

Work was getting a little crazy - understatement - what with holidays and working a few back to back shifts. People take their free time for granted until they no longer have it. I've cut back on my hours now that university's started up again, and it's amazing the little appreciations I have for everything. Showering. A proper meal. Dreamless sleep. Socialising. A reasonable bed time!

Sometimes serving people strips you of your humanity if you're doing it too often without properly taking care of yourself; and that's something I've finally had to accept. No matter how many times people ask how I am, it's just easier to say that everything's fine to not burden the question asker. I'm finally accepting that I haven't been well as of late. I got used to jet-setting, jumping around everywhere and anywhere; it felt like such a natural part of me. Coming back and staying still again feels like a betrayal of my personality and I have to learn to accept the 'waiting room' part of life again.

University! Once I cut back my work hours and started hanging out on campus again, I realised it was something I really missed. All that's expected of me is to think, try my best, and achieve a personal potential with you to motivate yourself - and I like to think that's something I am fairly good at. Classes are actually really interesting to me at the moment and I'm happy to meet new people as well.

We'll see how I go, now that things finally feel like they're getting better.

Tumblr
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Play hard, but work hard too.

Abisko, Sweden.

Hello! I'm happy to report that things have been quite busy lately. Sometimes I wonder why I put myself through certain things, before remembering that I'm working toward something. It'll all be worth it.

University trimester starts up again, and I'll be pondering more of the media and its hypnosis on the general society again. There's also a Study Abroad Club on campus that helps out the international exchange students, and I'll be joining! I'll help out students adjusting to Melbourne and this insane country.

I opened my letter to myself that I wrote before I left. It was full of a respect for the unknown that I wasn't quite expecting; and just another example of how far I've come.

I've read and watched The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern and Daydream Nation, respectively. I've reviewed both on my Tumblr page for your viewing pleasure, and they've both been such a surprise to me. Both came within 48 hours of each other and it's made me see things yet again differently.

I've finished 2 Broke Girls, and I'm debating about rewatching Buffy for that extra boost of self-respect. 2 Broke Girls has gotten me more curious about New York, and the people that can be found in little corners and down streets. Places like Soho and Willamsburg. Central Park. South Manhattan. I'm hoping to see Metric while I'm in North America; coming across Emily Haines' music in Daydream Nation has steered me back to listening to Metric and rediscovering my old favourites.

 

Ice skating's going well, I've signed up for a term and I've been going to the rink on weekends. I'm exploring different areas of Melbourne that I haven't previously and I'm loving it. I went with my friend Jewels to the Monet exhibition and then we wandered around the Business District.

As always, you can find more informal stuff on my Tumblr, and I'll keep updating once uni starts.

But if you close your eyes...

Venice.

...does it almost feel like nothing's changed at all?

Honestly, Australian politics are doing my head in. There's no sense of stability, not when you have two politicians like Gillard and Rudd fighting over the head job like they are. I think I should just move to England and be done with it, just leave now in time for the cinematic collapse. We're not educated enough day-to-day to know where we should put our votes. Now that Rudd's PM again, after Gillard got the job off him three years ago, I feel like I'm a kid growing with instability again.

Ice skating went well. Now that's a stability that will be catching on for me. To try something new overseas and bring it back with me, that's something I can say I'm very happy with. The rink I went to offered a free 15 minute basic skating lesson; we learned some basic things like getting up after falling, stopping and turning. We were then let loose with the rest of the skaters. I fell over a few times, but that was the fun. Special thanks to my friend Jewels for accompanying me and taking pictures.

I've loved that it's something so seemingly obscure around here, and I never would have thought of it unless I'd tried it abroad. I'm so thankful for something new to accompany this new part of myself. I'll always remember that the first time I tried ice skating was at a lake - nothing to hold on to - in Örebro, Sweden.

I miss the Örebro gang terribly. I've been back for nearly two weeks and there's little things I miss. It's like graduating high school in a way; all these people I would see day to day, I won't be able to see gathered in the one place again. We shared something special and unique. I loved being known as the little crazy Australian girl.

Meanwhile, I'm broke. Still, I'm working towards something new - the US Study Tour in November. It'll be a close one, but I work better with a goal to work towards. I've found my spark again and I'm not going to let it flicker out. Not on my watch. I'm too determined not to let that happen. Hopefully budgeting works out.

Work's been fine so far. Apparently I've gotten a raise due to my previous experience - not much, but still a raise! Tuesdays are Steak Night and I've enjoyed serving people who love steak, as I do as well. I've had some generous souls when it comes to tipping; it's reminded me that I'll have to be much more generous myself in the States. It's expected more over there, whereas here, spare change is considered generous.

Though if I could pay for my trip with compliments, I'd be a freaking millionaire by now.

Something I've remembered? My idea of mundane isn't necessarily as mundane as I think sometimes. Perspective, perspective, perspective. Serve the food, reset the table, move on.

I saw World War Z last Monday. Let me just say now that I knew nothing about the plot, only that Muse had contributed to the film's score. Brilliant, I thought, and then I was blown away by the inclusion of the track 'Isolated System' in the opening and throughout the rest of the film. I hear that the band were inspired by the book while composing their just released album, so it comes to full circle by contributing to the film.

By not having read the book, I was fairly pleased just by watching the film. Besides, an adaptation is never accurate. Of course, if you'd talked to me about Harry Potter five years ago I would have felt differently on the topic. There was also a moment of the film where they showed different parts of the world swarmed with zombies, and I recognised St Mark's Square in Venice without any help. I'm curious about other parts of the world now, such as Israel and China.

Worth seeing.

A restless nomad.

Well. I've been adjusting. I've had terrible jet lag, and Melbourne's been colder, but I'm recovering every day. I'm catching up and socialising as often as I can. I also got my job back! That's something that's become a huge relief to me.

I love being able to talk about my travels, with other people who have travelled. It may come off as boasting, but travelling is something I've realised makes me so happy. Some people have asked me why I'm not more big headed. And others feel the need to try and make what I've done hit home to me. I don't think I've entirely realised all the travelling I've done myself; and I prefer to keep it that way and remember them sequentially. Otherwise they blur together and I do realise that I've done a lot. I'm fighting to remember them separately, and it's confusing.

I met so many ambitious, like minded people overseas; and coming back, I've had to remember that this wonderful, open minded group is sadly the minority.

Another thing I've found coming back is how comparatively mundane everyday life feels now that I've experienced a different way of living. I didn't go two weeks without travelling somewhere after my first trip (Barcelona) and jet setting to another country just became so normal.

So one of the things I'm trying to do for myself these holidays is to try and keep things exciting. Socialise more. Get out there. Find a way to incorporate this weightless, effortless personality I'd found overseas and keep that zest for life that I'd found so easily overseas.

I've learned that I can't sit still and let life pass.
I need to actively participate.
I need to be a part of this strange, crazy, not always fair, life.
I need to see more of it.
And I want to find more of the minority.
...not only closer to home, but keep everyone I met abroad as well.

Post-Sweden.

Hej hej!

So I'm back in Melbourne.

I arrived Saturday night after about 19 hours of flying time. My Swedish neighbour on the way to Doha was on a school trip to Kenya to help build a school! We got to talking travel and the flight was fine. 

Doha is absolutely stunning at night, by the way.

The entertainment system on this particular commute didn't fail, not that it ever has; I watched Beautiful Creatures to Doha (missed it in the cinemas in Sweden) and Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters and most of The Brothers Grimm to Melbourne. Didn't get to finish it because the plane landed, stupid plane! I got some sleep too, big mistake because I'm a little jet lagged because of it.

My mum, my sister and her boyfriend met me at the airport.

 

We spent the night at a nearby hotel before driving to my new apartment in the morning.

This is my new view. I call it the 'rotting rooftop' view.

I'm almost finished fixing my shelf. I haven't put many souvenirs up here yet so it looks almost the same.

I've been doing 'back in Australia' errands lately, unpacking, and soon I'll be catching up with friends.

More to come when I start internalising and have more crazy catastrophes to report.