Honestly?

 

Hello everyone!

Things have been crazy and I haven't really had much time to myself lately, so here's a little update.

Work was getting a little crazy - understatement - what with holidays and working a few back to back shifts. People take their free time for granted until they no longer have it. I've cut back on my hours now that university's started up again, and it's amazing the little appreciations I have for everything. Showering. A proper meal. Dreamless sleep. Socialising. A reasonable bed time!

Sometimes serving people strips you of your humanity if you're doing it too often without properly taking care of yourself; and that's something I've finally had to accept. No matter how many times people ask how I am, it's just easier to say that everything's fine to not burden the question asker. I'm finally accepting that I haven't been well as of late. I got used to jet-setting, jumping around everywhere and anywhere; it felt like such a natural part of me. Coming back and staying still again feels like a betrayal of my personality and I have to learn to accept the 'waiting room' part of life again.

University! Once I cut back my work hours and started hanging out on campus again, I realised it was something I really missed. All that's expected of me is to think, try my best, and achieve a personal potential with you to motivate yourself - and I like to think that's something I am fairly good at. Classes are actually really interesting to me at the moment and I'm happy to meet new people as well.

We'll see how I go, now that things finally feel like they're getting better.

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A restless nomad.

Well. I've been adjusting. I've had terrible jet lag, and Melbourne's been colder, but I'm recovering every day. I'm catching up and socialising as often as I can. I also got my job back! That's something that's become a huge relief to me.

I love being able to talk about my travels, with other people who have travelled. It may come off as boasting, but travelling is something I've realised makes me so happy. Some people have asked me why I'm not more big headed. And others feel the need to try and make what I've done hit home to me. I don't think I've entirely realised all the travelling I've done myself; and I prefer to keep it that way and remember them sequentially. Otherwise they blur together and I do realise that I've done a lot. I'm fighting to remember them separately, and it's confusing.

I met so many ambitious, like minded people overseas; and coming back, I've had to remember that this wonderful, open minded group is sadly the minority.

Another thing I've found coming back is how comparatively mundane everyday life feels now that I've experienced a different way of living. I didn't go two weeks without travelling somewhere after my first trip (Barcelona) and jet setting to another country just became so normal.

So one of the things I'm trying to do for myself these holidays is to try and keep things exciting. Socialise more. Get out there. Find a way to incorporate this weightless, effortless personality I'd found overseas and keep that zest for life that I'd found so easily overseas.

I've learned that I can't sit still and let life pass.
I need to actively participate.
I need to be a part of this strange, crazy, not always fair, life.
I need to see more of it.
And I want to find more of the minority.
...not only closer to home, but keep everyone I met abroad as well.

The ideology of a 'home' and being nomadic.

I've gotten to thinking about the mythology of being 'at home' somewhere, calling a place 'home' and ideas of places that can be a 'home'.

First I'll say that my upbringing was less traditional; certain events meant that my family was always moving. We never stayed still for long, we lived in countless rentals; I attended three primary schools and two secondary schools. We weren't still long enough for me to associate a certain building as my home. Not that I'm complaining, but at the same time I hear about people who have lived in the one house all their life and my mind can't wrap my head around it.

 

The biggest move was from Melbourne to Mildura. This lasted a couple of years for me, and we moved away from familiar faces and relatives. I'll admit that while it's a nice little town, it just didn't feel like a home to me. No offence meant to any friends of mine from Mildura reading this, but I grew up a city girl and that wasn't going to change.

 

Another significant move was when I graduated high school, got accepted to Deakin and moved back to Melbourne for university - solo. I was working out how to make a home for myself - cooking, cleaning, working, studying. Constantly checking my bank account and looking at grocery receipts. Being back in a familiar place like Melbourne helped, and I had relatives nearby that provided the family element that I was lacking.

However, I learned the hard way that it wasn't healthy to be so dependent on family - or other people - and that I had to live for myself and form my own path. I took a bit of time to figure out who I was with less outside influence, and waiting on people part-time taught me a lot more than I realised about people and life.

Being accepted for exchange in Sweden has been another rattle in my idea of home - but not necessarily in a bad way. I consider Örebro yet another home because it's bared witness to another burst of growth and maturity that would never have happened otherwise. I've made so many friends from all corners of the world and I've experienced and seen so much already. I may be near broke when I return to Melbourne; but I have no regrets.

Notice that last sentence? I said return to Melbourne, and not home.

Perhaps this way of thinking has occurred from a less than stable way of life, but I have no regrets about that either. It's forced a new perspective on me and I've learned to accept that it's made me who I am and it's gotten me to this point. Me, Michelle - quirky, nice, strange, approachable... and nomadic.

...I mean, I'm writing this from Örebro, Sweden.

Even as a city girl in a place such as Melbourne, it's been enough to help me navigate Metro and big cities in Europe. Travelling and coming across seemingly impossible roads to cross makes me, out of habit, look for subways and other ways to cross.

This habit of mine was important in figuring out how to access the Arc de Triomphe in Paris!

I'm even nomadic with my friendship groups; I tend to bounce around different groups and make sure to catch up with everyone. That hasn't even changed in Sweden, there always seems for there for somebody to talk to.

We're dealt with the hand of life, and it's all about how you handle it as a person and how much you can let it affect your daily life. There's the pain, but there's also the joy. I live with the pain and ghosts of my past, but it helps me find the joy in everything else.

I hope this has given some insight as to who I am, and settled any misconceptions.

Poland.

So the trip to Poland was great. Poland was never huge on my list of places to go, but sometimes it's good to try new and unexpected places. Because they can surprise you. Big time.

So Saturday afternoon we landed in Warsaw, and it was raining. We found our hostel and walked around Old Town exploring. We saw some interesting stuff.

We got up VERY early the next morning to take the train to Kraków (three hours). I ended up in an apartment with an older Polish family; one guy studying in London, his parents, his cousin and another woman who I didn't know how she was connected. The first thing they asked me was if I could understand Polish (for the obvious reason); and they became so fascinated by me (an Australian girl, studying in Sweden, on a trip to Poland) that they asked me questions the whole trip. I was exhausted and cranky but I stayed polite and answered all their questions.

I asked to learn Polish and the cousin said something that made them all laugh, and the aunt slapped his knee. Eventually they told me he'd said 'give me a kiss' (daj mi buziaka) and the next one was 'you have pretty eyes' (Masz piękne oczy). I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable; I've been hit on by older men before, but it isn't any easier the more it happens to me.

We arrived in Kraków and toured Auschwitz I and II. This was an experience I'm never going to forget. It was something quite similar to what happened to me in Phuket (I explain here) - I was feeling so much that I just shut down completely and went numb. Walking through the grounds of both camps, I felt... haunted. I was so uncomfortable to get pictures of myself here, so I merely walked around silently taking pictures of what was there.

There was one display at Auschwitz I that requested no pictures to be taken... human hair taken from the prisoners. I was looking at the pile, thinking, 'this is human hair'. There are no words. I have no words. There can't possibly be words for this. I can read all I want about history, but being in a place where you know what happened is something else entirely.

Auschwitz I was the former Polish military base taken over by the Germans at the start of World War II. Auschwitz II was built entirely by the prisoners, and you can see the significant difference.

We stayed the night in Kraków, exploring that old town. There's more in Kraków for the simple reason of Warsaw being levelled by the Nazis in World War II, and being rebuilt.

We went back to Warsaw the next (Mon)day and spent the rest of the day there. The Rising Museum was a definite highlight. We then went back to Sweden Tuesday.

I also got my Polish Starbucks!

I'm glad I decided to go, it was one of those unexpected surprises. 

Also, things were cheap. Food. Alcohol.

My Starbucks mug collection is growing nicely.

I've also booked a week long tour in Italy (Rome/Florence/Venice) for the first week of June. It'll be my last overseas trip before I go back to Melbourne on the 14th, and the tour covers all three cities that I want to visit. It was perfect. I'll be hitting up all four of the top four cities of Europe during my exchange: Barcelona, Paris, London and Rome.

As always, you can find my Instagrams on the go on my Tumblr.