Take me, take me to the riot!

I passed my ice skating exam, by the way.

So I've had a bunch of crazy catastrophes in the past week or so. I've finally figured out how to utilise this part of my life; this strange, jetlagged heart of mine recovering little by little. I was sitting on the sidelines of my own life, looking in, waiting for my own life to start.

And it has. It took a while, but it finally has.

Sunday I went to the Royal Melbourne Show with friends. I'm glad I initiated plans and it turned out to be one of the best days I've had in quite some time. BMX stunts, rides, fireworks, showbags... I'd missed the chaos of a carnival atmosphere. It had been years since I'd previously gone to the show, and I was able to appreciate it differently with friends. One of my highlights of the day was finding a booth that was selling chocolate covered strawberries, which I'd taken to doing in Örebro as gifts and for fika.

It's funny, my two regular fika friends first laughed amusedly at the thought of 'fika' being an actual word for what we do regularly (sitting around catching up over coffee and cake for hours, Fika Fridays!), but they seem to have adapted the term and they've really embraced it, which is something I've delighted in.

Something else I've done this week is revisit my Melbourne bucket list. I still want to do the Eureka Tower, but some interesting circumstances happened and I ended up at the top of Mount Dandenong, looking out over the city below.

It's so much better in person, you could see the entire city skyline much better. It got me thinking how I saw so many views abroad; Barcelona, Paris, Poland, Venice, Florence, Russia, Tallinn, and even from the Örebro water tower, looking over the city I'd lived in for such a while. 

It was so comforting to see a view of a place I call home this time; being able to think 'I live somewhere down here' as I watched the city below - and practically cost free (unless you count parking) and great company. That's not something I could entirely get from going to the Eureka Tower, but I still want to do it.

Cinema work is something entirely new; yet another perspective I've taken for granted. Apparently though, I'm a fast learner and I'm doing well.

And my pre-departure session for the study tour in the States is this Friday! It feels so much closer now.

But if you close your eyes...

Venice.

...does it almost feel like nothing's changed at all?

Honestly, Australian politics are doing my head in. There's no sense of stability, not when you have two politicians like Gillard and Rudd fighting over the head job like they are. I think I should just move to England and be done with it, just leave now in time for the cinematic collapse. We're not educated enough day-to-day to know where we should put our votes. Now that Rudd's PM again, after Gillard got the job off him three years ago, I feel like I'm a kid growing with instability again.

Ice skating went well. Now that's a stability that will be catching on for me. To try something new overseas and bring it back with me, that's something I can say I'm very happy with. The rink I went to offered a free 15 minute basic skating lesson; we learned some basic things like getting up after falling, stopping and turning. We were then let loose with the rest of the skaters. I fell over a few times, but that was the fun. Special thanks to my friend Jewels for accompanying me and taking pictures.

I've loved that it's something so seemingly obscure around here, and I never would have thought of it unless I'd tried it abroad. I'm so thankful for something new to accompany this new part of myself. I'll always remember that the first time I tried ice skating was at a lake - nothing to hold on to - in Örebro, Sweden.

I miss the Örebro gang terribly. I've been back for nearly two weeks and there's little things I miss. It's like graduating high school in a way; all these people I would see day to day, I won't be able to see gathered in the one place again. We shared something special and unique. I loved being known as the little crazy Australian girl.

Meanwhile, I'm broke. Still, I'm working towards something new - the US Study Tour in November. It'll be a close one, but I work better with a goal to work towards. I've found my spark again and I'm not going to let it flicker out. Not on my watch. I'm too determined not to let that happen. Hopefully budgeting works out.

Work's been fine so far. Apparently I've gotten a raise due to my previous experience - not much, but still a raise! Tuesdays are Steak Night and I've enjoyed serving people who love steak, as I do as well. I've had some generous souls when it comes to tipping; it's reminded me that I'll have to be much more generous myself in the States. It's expected more over there, whereas here, spare change is considered generous.

Though if I could pay for my trip with compliments, I'd be a freaking millionaire by now.

Something I've remembered? My idea of mundane isn't necessarily as mundane as I think sometimes. Perspective, perspective, perspective. Serve the food, reset the table, move on.

I saw World War Z last Monday. Let me just say now that I knew nothing about the plot, only that Muse had contributed to the film's score. Brilliant, I thought, and then I was blown away by the inclusion of the track 'Isolated System' in the opening and throughout the rest of the film. I hear that the band were inspired by the book while composing their just released album, so it comes to full circle by contributing to the film.

By not having read the book, I was fairly pleased just by watching the film. Besides, an adaptation is never accurate. Of course, if you'd talked to me about Harry Potter five years ago I would have felt differently on the topic. There was also a moment of the film where they showed different parts of the world swarmed with zombies, and I recognised St Mark's Square in Venice without any help. I'm curious about other parts of the world now, such as Israel and China.

Worth seeing.

The ideology of a 'home' and being nomadic.

I've gotten to thinking about the mythology of being 'at home' somewhere, calling a place 'home' and ideas of places that can be a 'home'.

First I'll say that my upbringing was less traditional; certain events meant that my family was always moving. We never stayed still for long, we lived in countless rentals; I attended three primary schools and two secondary schools. We weren't still long enough for me to associate a certain building as my home. Not that I'm complaining, but at the same time I hear about people who have lived in the one house all their life and my mind can't wrap my head around it.

 

The biggest move was from Melbourne to Mildura. This lasted a couple of years for me, and we moved away from familiar faces and relatives. I'll admit that while it's a nice little town, it just didn't feel like a home to me. No offence meant to any friends of mine from Mildura reading this, but I grew up a city girl and that wasn't going to change.

 

Another significant move was when I graduated high school, got accepted to Deakin and moved back to Melbourne for university - solo. I was working out how to make a home for myself - cooking, cleaning, working, studying. Constantly checking my bank account and looking at grocery receipts. Being back in a familiar place like Melbourne helped, and I had relatives nearby that provided the family element that I was lacking.

However, I learned the hard way that it wasn't healthy to be so dependent on family - or other people - and that I had to live for myself and form my own path. I took a bit of time to figure out who I was with less outside influence, and waiting on people part-time taught me a lot more than I realised about people and life.

Being accepted for exchange in Sweden has been another rattle in my idea of home - but not necessarily in a bad way. I consider Örebro yet another home because it's bared witness to another burst of growth and maturity that would never have happened otherwise. I've made so many friends from all corners of the world and I've experienced and seen so much already. I may be near broke when I return to Melbourne; but I have no regrets.

Notice that last sentence? I said return to Melbourne, and not home.

Perhaps this way of thinking has occurred from a less than stable way of life, but I have no regrets about that either. It's forced a new perspective on me and I've learned to accept that it's made me who I am and it's gotten me to this point. Me, Michelle - quirky, nice, strange, approachable... and nomadic.

...I mean, I'm writing this from Örebro, Sweden.

Even as a city girl in a place such as Melbourne, it's been enough to help me navigate Metro and big cities in Europe. Travelling and coming across seemingly impossible roads to cross makes me, out of habit, look for subways and other ways to cross.

This habit of mine was important in figuring out how to access the Arc de Triomphe in Paris!

I'm even nomadic with my friendship groups; I tend to bounce around different groups and make sure to catch up with everyone. That hasn't even changed in Sweden, there always seems for there for somebody to talk to.

We're dealt with the hand of life, and it's all about how you handle it as a person and how much you can let it affect your daily life. There's the pain, but there's also the joy. I live with the pain and ghosts of my past, but it helps me find the joy in everything else.

I hope this has given some insight as to who I am, and settled any misconceptions.

Instagram fun...

      

 

Clockwise from the top left: A tree whose leaves are starting to colour. I walk past this tree on the way to uni.

The same tree, after two or three weeks.

The wood-burner at my aunty's house. I've finally gotten the hang of lighting a fire.

A Starbucks cup with a sleeve. I think I got the sleeve in Thailand; and the cup sometime before the trip. 

Nostalgia: School Plays

I can recall plays from my childhood that I found myself either envying or having a great time.

I can remember in grade one, I think we did a combination of Madeline with songs about the seasons. I could recall wanting to be a leaf; the costumes were something like 2Dish and looked something like this, and the choreography they were doing looked like much fun. Ungrateful little me; I was cast as one of the twelve girls (I know I definitely wasn't Madeline) and we pretty much re-enacted those repetitive bedroom scenes with Ms Clavel. Songs performed included "Surfin' USA" (Summer) and "California Dreamin'" (the latter, for our purposes, was edited for Autumn for some reason).

One in grade four I think was a competition or extravaganza of some sort; we had been studying The Wizard of Oz for music class and performed a few songs, among a few different acts from other schools. I was cast as a munchkin, I can remember wearing my flower girl dress from my mother's second wedding (which at the time had been two years previously; it was a tight but still passable fit) and we had the four main characters cast. We didn't have a yellow brick road, sadly, but us munchkins pretty much learned to part on cue and instruct the four to follow 'the yellow brick road', they would pass through the gap and then we all danced out after them as a closing to our act.

Can you feel all the love... like it was made for you.

Bright Star ♥

So I just love this feeling. That I know what and who makes me happy - genuinely happy, not the briefest, material happiness that left a hollowed, apparently infinite emptiness I used to feel for such a long stretch of time.

And that I'm at finally able to feel this way - and give back, as much as I can. As well as the potential of experiencing beautiful moments that I used to daydream about that is perfectly conveyed in the gif above and this.

Easter was fun. I've caught up with friends, danced like a stunned monkey in a spotlight, listened to different music like my iTunes has been stuck on shuffle and had enough roast lamb to burst. It's so strange to be sitting in my old shoebox and remember it in its claustrophobic state. Plus, I'm getting better at flying, apparently. My first time flying was fairly disastrous and humiliating.

I hope you all had a safe and happy easter.

Zis, chilwen, is a packing fwenzy.

Right now, I'm in my mess of a hole. Clothes are everywhere, my suitcase is somewhat full-ish, my flight information has been checked and is waiting ready. It's not much of a frenzy, I'm sorry to say.

I'm going to Mildura for a few days for easter. I shall see friends and it shall be fun. I leave tomorrow.

I have my stack of unread novels to choose from...

It's been my "I have university stuff/plans with actual people" pile, which is sad because I love reading and I used to be able to make the time to read through hundreds of pages. It feels like a hazy memory nowadays. I'm hoping to make a decent dent in this pile while I'm away. Now that the ghost has moved on, maybe things will be different for me up in Mildura.