Solo adventures...

So the thing with Jack Torrance in The Shining is that the film failed to portray him properly. The novel presented us with a character who had existing personal demons but was in control and repenting for his past actions. The hotel may have pushed him to the manic point, but the truly scary thing is that it tapped into his personal demons and fears. The film just portrayed him as menacing from the start.

...okay, I'm avoiding the subject.

My apartment is (mostly) packed at this stage, and this is the state of my suitcase.  

My paperwork and entertainment utensils are gathered.

My flight is tomorrow night.

This is my first overseas trip overseas; solo. And this is no touristy trip, either. 

I am going to live somewhere else for five months.

Wish me luck... and and I wish you luck with your own solo adventures.

...no matter what they may be.

Bon voyage...

We had goodbye drinks at Sahara Restaurant on Swanston Street Friday evening, and I was delighted and touched by the night's turnout and the diversity between them; whether they were family members or friends.

 

The venue itself was wonderful. The restaurant offered wonderful food, good drinks and a beautiful atmosphere, which faded from the lazy afternoon to the lit up splendour of the night. The staff were particularly friendly and inviting.

My purple beanie as a going away gift could not have been more perfect. My friend Gen had seen it and been reminded of me; hard to see why? I can already tell that this is going to be a favourite piece of mine that I will wear everywhere and with everything.

Feeling so much love from my loved ones before I depart in a few days... there are no words.

I'm letting go tonight...

New tumblr! Come find me. http://crazycatastrophes.tumblr.com/

So I've come to realise a few things; after people have revealed their feet of clay and have just toppled like the worthless monuments that they think to be. I'm sick of people being fed up with my actions, only for them to do actions themselves that make me fed up. I'm tired of being made to feel guilty for wanting things. I want to wake up. I want to change. I want to blossom. I want to let go. I want to be happy. I'm going to do what I want for myself, as well as others.

Seeing Wreck-It Ralph only further drove this realisation home for me. Without spoiling too much, a certain protagonist decides he's not happy with things as they are and decides to go out and make changes. Even while being repeatedly told that these changes are impossible and further attempts to persuade him otherwise only just pushes him further. He makes new friends, and there's plenty of video game references for those of you paying attention.

We're all counting the days until that plane is ready for boarding. Shopping, currency exchange and packing have been involved and it still hasn't entirely sunk in yet. I'm wondering when it will... both terrified and excited for it to hit when I get on that plane.

I hope you all are well. I'm going to miss this place that is Melbourne...

A new year, a new set of happenings.

So it's been an interesting few days. New Years' Eve and Day proved to be equally eventful. Eve involved working a shift before heading to a new friend's gathering to await the ball to drop. There was much fun had and, yes, an amount of alcohol was consumed. Day involved spending time with these friends and some family time. I'm living my life and appreciating. Feeling. Laughing. Living.

Elbow's album Leaders of the Free World is number three in their discography, and I'm approaching with caution. I've liked the two previous albums quite a bit and trying to keep in mind that there was, in fact, time between albums and things happen, things change. Of course the music is going to be effected as a result. Not that it's not still great, songs such as 'Mexican Standoff' still prove to be my inspiration between friends and work.

I've recently retained Doves' entire discography and intend to listen to it soon; if not, then overseas. I've only had their best of album and loved it, so I'm hoping for a few surprise tracks somewhere in there.

I've also started Mad Men, and it's a good watch. It's a fascinating one, certainly, as a Media and Communication student currently on holiday. The values, the fashion, the cinematography; it's like watching a living magazine.

I've had The Great Gatsby sitting on my nightstand for months and I've just picked it up. Hopefully I start reading, it feels like I haven't been able to keep reading consistently for months now. With the exception of one (a gag, turned surprisingly riveting!) book.

Just over two weeks until I leave the country. And still not quite comprehending.

Post-Christmas, Pre-New Year...

So I'm back in Melbourne on this (weather wise, admittedly gloomy) Friday morning, at my aunty's house. Rob's making bacon and eggs as I type, and it's been so long since I've smelled fried bacon. I have the day off work and I'm looking forward to spending it, as I see fit; with others.

Christmas and Boxing Day in Mildura was more or less uneventful and quiet. Cats in empty boxes, food comas, the whole lot. I didn't feel like buying anything at all, and I'd browsed in the afternoon when it was less crazy. Consumerism: at its best... or worst?

Sweden seems all the more closer now that Christmas is over. My mother and I found a decent winter jacket before I hopped on my flight back to Melbourne yesterday noon. Nice colour, and a decent fit considering the layers I will be wearing. My apartment is a little more empty than before and it's getting quite exciting now.

New Years' Eve is chugging closer and I can't think of a better mindset to end the year in. I'm happy, I have people who I can respect and love mutually, and I have loads to look forward to once the clock strikes midnight on this year that has been 2012.

New Years' resolution? Well I guess it would be the usual, the same as the previous two years. Be the best that I can be, and be happy with what I have.

Seasonal snapshots.

Christmas at Chadstone.

There's something about this time of year. 

Maybe it's the constant consumerism being shovelled down my throat.

Maybe it's the gingerbread frappuccino.

Maybe it's the fact that things are changing, and it's all very exciting and scary.

Christmas at Starbucks City Square.

Work is keeping me busy as Christmas draws nearer. I'm starting to look forward to Christmas traditions; watching I'll Be Home For Christmas with my younger sister (it's such a terrible film but it somehow became our tradition), my stepdad's mashed potato, the obvious lamb roast inclusion for Christmas lunch,  leftovers for Christmas dinner, and cats pouncing on wrapping paper/hiding in bags and boxes.

I'm starting to pack up my apartment here in Melbourne. So much accumulates over the year, and hey, it's time to move again. I'm a things and stuff kind of person. I guess I'm a teenage gypsy. Hey, maybe I should just have a caravan to put my things and stuff in. Of course, a car would be helpful to move around.

I've been looking around at clothes and equipment I'll need for Swedish living. Gulp.

I've delved into Elbow's lengthy discography a little more, and I'm pacing myself slowly. Cast of Thousands has a renewed optimism that somehow works with their already seemingly melancholic style. I'm incredulous about the fact that this time last year I was carefully delving through Muse's lengthy discography sequentially; they've ended up being one of my staple bands. Time seems to just fly.

Elbow's Asleep in the Back seems to have become a staple album for me at the moment. Songs like 'Powder Blue' tell of a yearning that I feel like I've felt recently. That piano, that guitar...I'm especially obsessed with that glass smash in the last few seconds of that track. Despite my lack of knowledge of the technicalities and how it works, music has always evoked powerful emotional responses for me, both of joy and melancholy. It's calmed me down and roused me. It's motivating and discouraging.

I hope you're not being trampled by Christmas/consumerism enthusiasts. I forget that there's a distinction between them nowadays so it's just easier not to try remembering it.

...have I mentioned how cynic I've become?

Catch me in your sleep...

...I'll be leaving the heartbreak hotel.

Absolutely stunning.

Even the unlikeliest of people band together in times of great distress.

...no, seriously. I could be understood as being dramatic, but we're all feeling much better about a mutual event. As a collective. Sometimes the collective can recover together by remembering common interests.

So I've been listening to The Temper Trap recently (as well as a few miscellaneously recommended tracks from friends), and I've found these guys to perfectly slot into this part of my life. Especially the I'm Gonna Wait/Leaving Heartbreak Hotel pairing at the end of the self-titled album. The songs are feel original and fresh (even though they're probably not, for all I know).

 

So what else is new? More Swedish organising. I've talked to my bank and the main paperwork is organised. Now it's more about making things comfortable, safe and healthy for me; doctor's appointments, vaccinations, loans, copying such important paperwork, clothing, research, the list goes on. 

I wanna touch the sky, I wanna fly so high.

When I think about leaving this job to go to Sweden, I feel like this. My heart just sinks. I've loved working for this place and with these people. At the same time, I'm so excited to go overseas. At least I know I'll have my job when I return.

I'm carving a little life for myself. I've been long distance walking by day, and working by night. I'm eating right... and I'm spoiling myself a little as well. I'm thinking of new music to listen to and new activities to be occupied with. I'm teaching myself to enjoy the pleasure of my own company. As one best friend put it, turning it from loneliness to aloneness. I can get so clingy when it comes to other people and depending on them to make me happy - which isn't healthy for me. Sometimes I just need to take a step back. Re-evaluate, rebuild, reform, rethink.

I'm coming to terms with terrible things that have happened - that are not my fault, I've realised - and accepted that I'm just not the person I was. I deserve so much better and I'm not settling for less just because I'm craving company. I just can't do that to myself without crumpling into a ball and feeling totally useless. And obviously feeling that way is not ideal. Not when I have such a social job and so much ahead of me. I deserve the right to look out for myself - and hey, I've been doing it for so long anyway. What's different?

Hope you are well. Christmas is nearly upon us...

Your true emancipation is a fantasy.

Credit: Ola Ericson/imagebank.sweden.se

So things are truly happening that are all things Swedish. Plane tickets were bought Monday, and my residency permit decision was communicated to me Wednesday (a resounding yes, as you can surmise). My grades from last trimester, released yesterday, also more than satisfied the academic average I needed to participate in the exchange program. All that needs to happen now is to organise some slightly minor paperwork and to establish a basic Swedish language use.

The Lush Christmas catalogue arrived in my mailbox yesterday, and I've had a fabulous time looking at the Christmas-y products and gift boxes they have available this year. Right now the Snow Fairy gift box looks quite enchanting and the Festive Fiesta shower tin sounds quite exciting. Of course, this is mere window shopping.

I think back to who I was before I started waitressing, and I marvel. I was a socially anxious, little mouse who had things happening and had no idea how to use that to her advantage. Waitressing has given me more confidence in talking to strangers, and confidence in myself. I'm also much more open to try new things, and I've developed an inner strength that is beginning to shine.

Appreciating the beauty of life has not of yet escaped me, considering all this change that's happened to me. Sometimes it takes a person of mouse-like personality to truly observe and understand the world - before diving in head first and trusting everything will be fine.

 

I hope you're doing well.

COLDPLAY is also happening on Tuesday. You have no idea how excited I am.

I'm from the future, go to China.

I was officially accepted today. This, of course, sets a bunch of things in motion; flight bookings, residency permit applications, new passport photos etc. Thank goodness I already have a passport or I would have just given up.

I'm still reeling from the course of events that motivated me to apply to go in the first place. And I did so under the impression that being accepted was unlikely. But here we are. Somebody over there thinks I'm brilliant and want me over there.

My long distance walking is going well. A highlight was stopping at McDonald's for a bite during my walk (in my exercise clothes, I might add), acknowledging to the girl serving me that "[it] is just funny" and prompting a giggle out of her.

I saw Looper with a friend and thoroughly enjoyed it. You know a film is good if you personally enjoyed it - and the critics agree. It played fantastically with the rules of time travel, and let's just say Joseph Gordon-Levitt got me excited to see it beforehand.

 

Waiting...

While waiting for official university confirmation about my exchange, I've been living. Major project for TV studio, work, Starbucks and just general life.