Swedish catastrophes.

Due to a crazy set of circumstances (which could only happen to me, it seems), I've been locked out of my room. I'm also without my camera, winter coat and mobile phone. Long story short, it involves a night out, coat check, a lost ticket and the venue not being open today to retrieve my belongings. But no stress! It'll be open tomorrow, and I'll hopefully try getting it all back then.

So I'm homeless for a day.

Bright side, I'll be able to sympathise more with those who are full time homeless. Scared, alone, and wondering where to sleep at night. I'm just incredibly lucky that I've made a circle of wonderful friends who are willing to share their rooms, their clothes, their bus money, their humour... their help.

I'm going to go see Gangster Squad tonight with a wonderful group (Swedish subtitles included!) and hopefully see how the movie theatre experience compares with my own back in Oz. It seems promising. It's great to give my liver a break tonight and take things easy. Foreign rituals these friends partake in, such as beer pong and the Superbowl, are slowly becoming normal -- and it turns out I'm a decent shot at beer pong.

I'll look back on this day and undoubtedly laugh --well I'm kind of laughing at the moment.

Acknowledgements, pre-Sweden.

Credit: Staffan Widstrand/imagebank.sweden.se

So there's just about a month to go. I'm wondering how this last month will go, and I'm realising that I have been incredibly lucky to have such wonderful friends and family. So they will have a public thank you.

My friend Nicola deserves the first thanks. She was the person who was right there from the beginning. She saw me after my first information session; how amazed I was, and how much I wanted to do this. She gave me the final push to submit my application, encouraging me along the way. Thank you for giving me the courage to apply when I was so convinced I couldn't do it.

 

The next thanks go to my mother. I grew up curious and dreaming for something more in life, and she's always encouraged me to follow my dreams. We may not have agreed on things at times, but she's always supported me 100% no matter what I want. She was over the moon when I got accepted into my Media and Communication course at university - she didn't try pushing me into medicine or law, and that's something I will always be thankful for. She encouraged my creativity and my independence. Thank you. I love you.

 

My younger sister Alex deserves some mention; I hope you're happy for me. You have a few things to live up to! Don't be afraid to do your own thing. My adventures are mine, and you're entitled to have your own.

The next ones up are my aunty Lenya and Co.; you've encouraged me to open up and truly blossom. These past couple of years would not have been the same without you. You've encouraged me to actively live my life, and I'm becoming a badass woman who can learn to take calculated risks. Rob, you wrote me a glowing recommendation on my first application (one that nearly brought me to tears - and that's difficult to do) and it is my belief that I was accepted on this recommendation. You've taught me that I deserve the best for myself - and so do all of you.

 

My older brother and sister, Con and Fotoula. I'm so glad we've come back into contact and I love you guys. Not really having you around growing up has only helped me appreciate you more. I love our catch ups (mainly happening down Degraves Street), and your combined tales of travel only convince me more that our shared wanderlust is hereditary.

My friend Sam, you're definitely getting a mention. You've helped me through the rougher patches and kept me happy though the good ones. We met so many years ago and I'm glad we're still friends.

 

My friends; there's a few I want to mention. Juliana, you've been such an understanding person who's listened to all my problems. Jodie, I hope you're having a wonderful time in Japan. Faye and Genevieve, thanks for catch ups at Starbucks, and Melissa too.

 

And my uni friends! Kara, Kat, Sian and Nina; we all met last year and bonded over assignments, and terrible lectures (though we all met in an awesome one - Screen History!). Tuesday wedges and our antics and sarcasm are something I've really appreciated, even during that dreaded Screen Practitioners fail. Kat and Nina just got back from their two week study tour in the States; we're definitely all going to catch up before I leave.

There are a couple of new friends I want to thank too: both Alex's and Jack. You guys talked to me during a bad time in my life and I'm glad we're friends.

Thinking about the year.

So. This was 2012.
...this kind of post is about a month premature, I know. But closure!

This year for me... I just can't explain it. There's been so many ups and downs. I've been lied to - and I've done some lying myself. I switched my job location, and been much happier for it. I failed a class.  I did well in so many others. I've made more friends; I've also lost a couple. I met Julie Benz, Sean Maher and Fran Kranz all in the one day. I shared wedges with university friends on campus every Tuesday for a whole trimester. I saw Ed Sheeran and Coldplay within three months of each other. I rode a tram with a friend with absolutely no idea where we were going (something on my bucket list). Some guy tried to stick his tongue down my throat and I said no; the self-respect for myself has expanded beyond my knowledge. 

I've loved. I've lost. I've laughed. I've cried.
I've been jealous. I've been happy. I've been used.
And I've been living.

The events of this year led me to be accepted for overseas study exchange for a trimester next year. I'm absolutely terrified, and absolutely excited.

I have so much to be thankful for.

I wanted to leave, but the world wouldn't let me go. There's just too much out there for me to experience - why back out now?

I want to thank people who have not only stayed; they've stayed faithful to me.

And I want to thank you for reading this; regardless of you following my blog for three years, or if you're a recent addition to the fold. Thank you.

To achieve in my lifetime... REBOOT.

Stockholm at night.

Meet the following people:

• A 667er
• Misha Collins
• J.K.Rowling
• Lauren Kate
• Maggie Stiefvater
• Julie Benz
• David Boreanaz
• Amy Acker
• Alyson Hannigan
• Alexis Denisof
• John Barrowman
• David Tennant

Have my own car
Go out on a date!*
Get a horse drawn carriage ride
Have a song dedicated to me
Get my probationary driver's license before I'm twenty-two**
Feel like I belong in my family
Buy a city apartment in Melbourne (and outright!)
Buy my mum a house
Travel overseas at least once
Live in a place other than Australia for a lengthy timeframe

Travel to these places:

EUROPE List

• Paris/Versailles, France
• Cyprus
• Stockholm, Sweden
• Dublin, Ireland
• London, England
• Amsterdam, Netherlands
• Vienna, Austria
• Copenhagen, Denmark

Other places

• Bangkok/Phuket***, Thailand
• California, USA
• NYC, USA

Speaking of which, get a passport!
Not move house for at least two years
Experience snow****
See Coldplay live
See Muse live
See a band or singer other than Coldplay or Muse live
Have a huge bookshelf to fit ALL my books, movies and television shows
Live with awesome roommates 
Ride a tram just for fun, not to actually go someplace! Achieved 17/10/12
My prince charming composing a song with me in mind*****
Pay off my student debt
Get in the film industry somehow******
Love unconditionally...and have it reciprocated
Own a pair of knee high black and white striped socks
Win once at NaNoWriMo
Get at least one book published *******
Hear a piece of music that makes my heart break, and complete it simultaneously. 

*           I mean come on guys. Chivalry gets you laid.
**         Doesn't seem likely with the Swedish possibility
***       Well yes, I've done it before this reboot, but hey, I've done it.
****     Not counting the time when I was two. I want to remember it.
*****   (cheesy, but...I need a Disney moment at some point)
****** (Even if it's just holding a boom mike. I'll be happy)
******* Apparently online counts.

This love is ours.

Rummaging for answers in the pages...

And then you kind of experience things for yourself. 

And find the line between fiction and reality.

Some housekeeping involved with a trip to Mildura next week, hopefully seeing a few friends, and family. I've got breakfast with my older sister to look forward to in the morning, and I'm on a high from my first time driving at night. The lights are all so pretty and distracting in Melbourne at night and it's difficult to appreciate when starting to take on a driver's perspective.

Right now I have an open suitcase behind me and it's packed with barely anything. My room is a mess, I'm still working through getting a passport, and I'm terrified at the prospect of being financially aware - not that I haven't been aware this past year - but still. It's little moments that make me so aware of how lucky I am. 

I've saved up enough to go on holiday - overseas! - but also the mundane. I cook my dinner and place it in front of me. Somehow I can't find the words to complain - by having a warm cooked meal in front of me, I'm doing so much better than a large percentage of the world right now. People losing jobs, unable to purchase medicine for simple illnesses, and the list goes on.

The world is a contradiction.

To achieve in my lifetime...

Melbourne at night. Simply amazing. I love you. 

Have my own car
Meet a 667er
Meet Misha Collins
Get a horse drawn carriage ride
Have a song dedicated to me
Get my probationary driver's license before I'm twenty-two
Feel like I belong in my family
Buy a city apartment in Melbourne (and outright!)
Buy my mum a house
Travel overseas at least once
Travel to these places:

• Paris/Versailles
• NYC
• Cyprus
• California
• Rome
• Dublin
• London

Speaking of which, get a passport!
Not move house for at least two years
See Coldplay live
See a band or singer other than Coldplay live
Have a huge bookshelf to fit ALL my books, movies and television shows
Live with awesome roommates 
Ride a tram just for fun, not to actually go someplace!
My prince charming composing a song with me in mind (cheesy, but...I need a Disney moment at some point)
Pay off my student debt
Get in the film industry somehow (Even if it's just holding a boom mike. I'll be happy)
Love unconditionally...and have it reciprocated
Own a pair of knee high black and white striped socks
Win once at NaNoWriMo
Get at least one book published
Learn French
Hear a piece of music that makes my heart break, and complete it simultaneously. 

Sin City!

My goodness, why hadn't I seen this film sooner? It's a visually stunning piece.

I knew about two minutes in that it was going to be a visual treat for me, in addition to the storyline. It's films like this that keep my analytic mind in check. Vegetation is not an option for me, even with this five month break I'm three months into. 

This was also the second instance of renting instead of buying a film or television series, then watching it and wishing that I had bought it. 

The first instance was the complete series of Firefly. I just want to watch the opening titles every time. Are there any shows that you just leave the opening credits going because they're that awesome? It depends if I'm having a marathon of the show or what; but for me there's Dexter, NCIS, True Blood (the latter when it returns for a new season and you're just bursting with excitement all over again) and The Slap, which is simply a clear plate breaking in slow motion.

The DVD menu for Sin City is quite hypnotic; I think I sat there watching it for a couple of minutes before I had actually started watching it. 

Happened When

Numeriklab did the NCIS theme song (and they did many other themes that the show used, notably 'Specimen' which was used as Abby's ringtone for a time) and there was a time when I just played their SoundCloud on their blog. I think their blog was the reason I got a blog at this particular hosting site.

Anywhoooo, 'Happened When' is my absolute favourite track. And here it is.

Random creative writing idea.

He stared, as though in a hypnotic trance, down at her empty bed.

The wrinkled, colourful sheets, which twisted around her as she lay.

The smooth, clean pillow, which had caressed her cheek as she dreamed.

The frayed mattress, which had supported her weight for nineteen years - and still continued to do so.

He perched on the bed slowly and laid down on it, his head brushing the pillow.

Bending sideways to smell the pillow, what felt like hundreds of adjectives to describe it bombarded his mind.

Floral. Spiced. Musky. Light. Crisp.

He closed his eyes.

...it was intoxicating.

She was intoxicating.

He could just breathe her scent, her perfume, for what felt like a lifetime.

Small, hesitant footsteps made his eyes snap open. He'd been caught in her room - lying on her bed - with no plausible explanation.

He instantly jumped into a sitting position, only to find she was just a couple of feet away.

"Hi," she whispered, and a small smile inched slowly across her lips.

It was the smile that told him that he needn't have to worry about his presence in her room. His pulse picked up at the sight of it. The smile that he saw when she saw him. The one that choked up so much unexpected emotion about her.

"Hi," he breathed back.

True sentences.

Dessert flavoured yogurts are possibly the best compromise.

I should start things much sooner.

You listen to music either to party or relax to.

I've got nothing else to lose, I lost it all when I found you, and I wouldn't change a thing.

A decision can be made within a split second...or take about an hour to realise.

Put fruit where you normally store your junk food - trust me.

Why do we like to hurt so much?

Reflexes subconsciously develop once we accept consistent clumsiness.

Subtlety is beauty. Things don't have to be obvious to be beautiful.

Some people can be so wonderful that they can make you ache.

Paradoxes can be quite amazing to witness.

Music has the ability to break hearts with its beauty, as well as complete them.

Brand New Colony - The Postal Service ♥

I'll be the grapes fermented
Bottled and served with the table set

In my finest suit, like a perfect gentleman

I'll be the fire escape

That's bolted to the ancient brick

Where you will sit and contemplate your day

I'll be the water wings

That save you if you start drowning

In an open tab when your judgement's on the brink

I'll be the phonograph

That plays your favorite albums back

As you're lying there, drifting off to sleep

I'll be the platform shoes

And undo what heredity's done to you

You won't have to strain to look into my eyes

I'll be your winter coat

Buttoned and zipped straight to the throat

With the collar up so you won't catch cold

I want to take you far

From the cynics in this town

And kiss you on the mouth

We'll cut our bodies free

From the tethers of this scene

Start a brand new colony

Where everything will change

We'll give ourselves new names

(Identities erased)

The sun will heat the ground

Under our bare feet

In this brand new colony

Everything will change, ooo... 

You see the colours in me like no one else. ♥

From here.

And also. I might have felt this what feels like a lifetime ago. The difference with me was, it wasn't reciprocal. Hey, these experiences make us stronger.

"No, when I say I love you, I wanna say something more. What I’m trying to say is…I like you. And everything you felt for her I felt for you too, except you got your heart broken just once. I get mine broke every day. Every time you don’t look at me the same way I look at you, and I know this ruins everything and I know this makes things awkward, we’re just supposed to be friends but…is it selfish of me to want more than that? I want…all of you. And all I have to give in return is myself. I wish I could give you more."

I think of the people who have been the focus of my past obsessions with them... and I think, what on EARTH was I thinking?! Only because I know so much better by now. I was fueled by romanticised, Hollywood type thinking. Which only really made things much more painful.

It brings to mind a certain phrase.
...self-sabotage.

I wish I knew what to do in this particular dilemma. It's not life or death, thank goodness, so I can take my time deciding. I just don't know. Send me a sign!

I never thought tonight could ever be... this close to me. ;)

So right now, I'm lying on my bed. My essay's handed in, I can hear trams rumbling in the distance from the main road, and I'm waiting for my aunty to pick me up for the weekend.

Can life get more perfect than this?

Can you feel all the love... like it was made for you.

Bright Star ♥

So I just love this feeling. That I know what and who makes me happy - genuinely happy, not the briefest, material happiness that left a hollowed, apparently infinite emptiness I used to feel for such a long stretch of time.

And that I'm at finally able to feel this way - and give back, as much as I can. As well as the potential of experiencing beautiful moments that I used to daydream about that is perfectly conveyed in the gif above and this.

Easter was fun. I've caught up with friends, danced like a stunned monkey in a spotlight, listened to different music like my iTunes has been stuck on shuffle and had enough roast lamb to burst. It's so strange to be sitting in my old shoebox and remember it in its claustrophobic state. Plus, I'm getting better at flying, apparently. My first time flying was fairly disastrous and humiliating.

I hope you all had a safe and happy easter.

Hugs ARE drugs.

So I have a question for you. Can a stolen hug be an honest hug at the same time?

Also, you know your cousin loves you when he gives you his massive Nerf gun to try.

Anyway, my weekend was great, as usual. To the point where I start my Mondays feeling a little lost and out of place. I think the hardest thing would be deciding whether and when to get out of bed on Monday morning or not. Sounds a little strange, I know. I feel like it's my back-to-reality transition over the day.

...the irony. I free up my Monday mornings and I end up hating Mondays anyway.

Back to work...studying.