Friday, January 4, 2013

See, heaven's got a plan for you...

So I spent the past couple of days with these handsome devils. Inevitably more silly, consumption of alcohol, some TV shows, and other corruptive activities.

Much fun, especially having time off work for a bit. I hadn't realised how driven I'd been by work until my cousin pulled me aside for a chat. He ended up using my constant mantra 'work to live and not vice versa' without even knowing he was quoting it, and he told me not to lose sight of who I am.

Sometimes I wonder who the heck I am. I've done a lot of juggling; daughter, sister, niece, cousin, friend, student, waitress, customer, commuter. I seem to be whatever the situation needs me to be, but there's the constant part that seems to shine. We can never truly know ourselves and others - we know what we're not when we encounter it and it makes us want to throw up and feel shame for knowing such thing. You know what I mean? When something just resists the very fibre of our being and we can definitively say, "Oh there's no way".

Of course, I'm always doubtful. It's in my nature. I don't trust compliments, so imagine my reaction if somebody were to say they had feelings for me? For a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic.

I long for freedom. And I just very well may find it someday.



Les Misérables was quite fantastic. Of course, I went in with not much known about plot and with no prior knowledge of the novel or play, so count me happy. I wasn't comparing it to anything, I was just watching. I've always been one for watching things; even with video games I'm quite content to watch game play instead of actually playing. Anne Hathaway deserves some kind of award for her performance; watching her character fall into such a downward spiral... And also Éponine, one of the oldest examples of friend zone.


I hope you are well...

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